And now apparently....

Via Soapzone, Genie F may be returning too?

(Thud. I'm gonna strap in for the Spencers last hurrah, if this is true, because it will be a winner

Really? Really GH?

Now, you're going to pull this return? Now? When Liz has and is sleeping around with Nikolas, when Holly and Luke came to town and 'produced' the news of Ethan and also decided that Laura had been 'understanding' about Ethan's conception? (puke, gag, choke.)

After *that* load of....Now, we have a comeback?

***************************************************************************

I was going to stay mad, but I just can't.....

Real Lucky will soon be in the HOUSE! Apparently, Johnathan Jackson is returning to the role...

[pauses, takes time to spin around the room a few times with joy..., and clean up the spittake on my screen]

OMDFG Let It Be So!!!!!! When WHEN WHEEEN will it happen...

That brother against brother angst over Liz will be a daily dose of fanning myself...

Oh Sh!t. But Wait. Stop....

Looks very sadly at cute Greg Vaughn [can we make Greg into Sly Eckert? I really don't want to see that sweet guy leave...and he's been given nothing to do for years, poor thing]

And to the remaining Liason/Jiz folk out there...(I was one once, sorry sorry)

If your couple wasn't on life support before, it is DOA now....because the original L and L2 chem cannot be beat. Even if Liz is with Nik (and I like Niz!) for a year or more...we darn well know where they are going to end up now...

Except...there is that Cassadine Curse (No, not the one Helena gave...but the one the writers gave to Stefan in 2003 making him a pod-Stefan nutcase that was written completely off into the stratosphere of insane, nuts and twisted), not the cool tortured guy we'd seen before....

That curse. The curse of bringing a fan favorite back just to destroy them.

AJ
Stefan
Lois
and of his own volition recently....Luke.

Writers if you screw up JJ's Lucky I'm done. That second. That minute.

So I guess my joy at the return comes laced with a huge grain of salt.

One of the few bright spots: Brandon Barash/Johnny

I mean dayum!

in the middle of coma inducing Scrubs banter, a brief and silly Sam/Spin phone call, a not-yet-started Niz, pathetic Ethan,

Johnny goes to the sister who has protected him through his youth, correctly discerns that she's set MyFavoritePsychoJerry loose and that he is a threat to the teens...and unequivocally tells Claudia the nature and depth of her evilness and basically gives a "You're dead to me," speech that I found entirely believable. Good writing for him (who is handling that?) and good acting. He's fast becoming something I really watch for.

I know there are budget cuts and all....(Spoiler's-Spec Below)

But the writing/producing team at GH needs to make sure one line item stays in their budget: A well paid shrink (or more than one if they get too booked)

Because.They.are.suffering.from.a.massive.case.case.of.collective.
amnesia.

Rumor has it that Claudia vows revenge against whomever caused her car wreck (and subsequent loss of her and Sonny's child)

Rumor also has it she believes Michael caused the accident so she decides to take revenge on him.

Lest we forget, *Claudia* set up the hit that put a bullet in Michael's brain and caused his coma. (The writers seem to have also forgotten that Nik (Yes Nik he was told in June 2008 by Claudia), Jax, Jerry, and Olivia and of course Johnny *all* know this and have neglected to tell anyone.)

Since by soap logic, an accidental richocheting bullet from a planned hit, and a car accident that kills a mob molls impending kid, they are now *even....*

WTF is this revenge bullshyte? Now, I can never be characterized as a fan of the Michael/Sonny/Jason/Carly/Claudia/Johnny mob centered mess--Claudia was the one with terrible remorse who went and pled for forgiveness at Michael's bedside and instead of grieving and realizing that in some way, this was karma for the botched hit, BSC Claudia is now going to vow revenge on Michael? Hell no.

I'm an Alexis fan, so it pains me to say this: that if Lex or her BratFromHell were the cause, then, again in a soapy world, Claudia going after them would make sense.

Holy idiocy writers/producers: You've got 1.8 ratings, actors taking drastic pay cuts, and what is your solution? "Let's trash continuity or any sense of history; That and a passel of dumbcute newbies will surely bring new viewers in droves.


On a positive note: Keep. Brandon. Barash. He's the next Jason, only nicer, funnier and great with every other character he interacts with.

I Can't Help It : A Dark Shadows Aside

It's happened. GH has become so bad, that the unabashedly campy,blooper filled, bizzare gothic cult favorite web of story arcs,rife with questionable acting choices, (and a few questionable casting choices, though most were quite a match for the concept) and truly cool ambiance is *better* to me now, than GH is.

Go watch either the 1966-1971 original or the sadly short lived 1991 remake. Great stuff.

The witch Angelique makes Helena look like a Sunday school teacher. She does what she wants, and is Hell's perfect fury of a woman scorned. She has an epic revenge (and some being revenged upon), with a lovely liquid laugh at the results of her wickedness.

I always thought she had to have been Helena's tutor in all things badass.



And from a 1994 soap special, a clip and appearance of Lara Parker, Angelique's portrayer, still beautiful. (Perhaps a bit too beautiful? (Mysterous laugh.)

Go to 2:39 in the clip below for the DS goodies.



Rumor has it, Lara Parker may arrive at GH for a brief role.

Karaoke, Sleuthing, & Con Artists

I have never been as bored with GH as I am this summer.
Ratings of 1.7 don't help.

The few bright spots.

Tyler Christopher's Nikolas: Even though he's mind blowingly stupid about Rebecca, he's slightly watchable. Even with a non-story that uses about 1/200th of his talent.

NuMichael. Great young actor. Best shot in the arm for the young cast on the show since Amber Tamblin's arrival. Give the kid a real story. Otherwise it's more wasted talent.

I hear that Helena and Jerry may be returning so I'll probably perk up for that.

And I'm looking forward to the GH Annex soap, As The World Turns. Jon Lindstrom, Lynn Herring and Stuart Damon. Yep. Good actors are good actors and I'm heading there to watch. As well as take a quick look at Rick Hearst on B & B

(Look, GH if *you're going to dump great talent, doesn't mean that I can't, well you know, pack up my Neilsen box and head elswhere (I don't really have one, just wish I did.)

No Original Dialogue, Just Cuteness

Maybe the only thing left to save soaps are cute meaningless videos...

I actually like this:

My dog Lexi has a GH connection

Off topic (sort of)

Her full name of course is Alexis Natasha Davidovich Cassadine [link to youtube vid] since it won't embed here

I'm likin Dominic/Dante

I smell a mortal gunshot wound that requires a transfusion and Olivia can't do it for some reason, so *that's* when and why she tells Sonny that Dominic = Dante = her son w/Sonny

That young man is hawt.

If I were Frons....Stefan would be back!

I mean RealStefan, back from the dead, not the idiot clone that wanted to pimp Nik out, or even worse sire a second heir on the bought and paid for fiancee. Not the guy who thought up Emily's assassination, (which was dumb) and then bungled Emily's assassination (Which was even dumber,)

Have RealStefan marry Laura in Paris (offscreen, just so that Stefan can have an "I stole your wife!" scene with Luke), but then be forced to return to the Chuckles to get Rebbecca out of town....finally get the best of Helena...Scare the crap out of Kristina so she stops being such a bratface.

Bring the intellectual back. Bring the manipulator back. Bring the tormented (but not CRAZY) back.

I want some StefanTV.

Today's Hostage Taking...

So Helena has Luke...

The only good thing about him being locked up by Helena is the fact that it does give TPTB an they can write an interesting story to get him back to PC when he returns?

Can Helena call Laura in Paris and say "You peasant I have your ex husband." and Laura say, "Keep the loser; I won't lose sleep over it."

No, they won't write an interesting story. The Aussie Slob child will go and save him.

Bored

Why haven't I updated?

Because Carly fell down the stairs while pregnant...

A Quartermaine heir is turning into Anger Boy

Alexis is about to be made to look like a neurotic fool.

Sonny's getting ready for the throwing barware "You betrayed me," scene with Claudia.

Jax is all about saving his woman.

Nik is in love with Emily again (Even though it's Rebecca he's slept with.)

Jason's Stare of Constipation continues.

AJ, I mean Matt, is about to fall off the wagon.

Tracy's through with Luke. (as are many)

Alexis half naked daughter wants to sleep around.

Helena is here -- for not nearly long enough.


Reuse, Recycle, Rehash...

So that we suffer too (again and again and again)

Insanity = doing the exact same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Note to TPTB

Shadybrook is short a few patients, and the men in white coats must be coming for you.

Dearest Helena:

Since Luke pined for Holly more than he ever admitted to Laura:

Since Luke now lets us in on the fact that Teethan is the RealSpencerHeir, and Lucky the Cop was some sort of mistake that he now cops to not understanding, or liking

Since Luke had a child with another woman while married to and ostensibly treating like the ' love of his life,' Laura

(Pardon me while I throw up at the insult to JJ's Lucky and GF's Laura)

Helena, Please come back and kill Luke for us. Slowly. Make the character suffer.

Run him over with a car, freeze him with a weathermachine, kill him with CassadineDeathJuice (TM)
and reanimate him just in time to poison him, drug him out and shoot him in the heart.

Come on Hells. You've been wanting to do this for over thirty years now. The ultimate power play.

And, wait even better....kidnap Teethan, lock him up, brainwash him, and then kill him -- while Luke watches...and *then* start in on Luke.

Queen of the Damned...Do your stuff!

If I was writing GH today....

Assuming I could not get certain actors back.

In the small department of "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." I'd leave Robin and Patrick just as they are.

I'd recrcreate Victor Cassadine, the one surving great uncle of Nikolas, to give him more family...and have Nik do a quest, a search for him...as his entrance story. (Stefan said Victor died in prison, but lying, obfuscation and surprises are encoded in any Cassadine's DNA.)

Do a whodunit with Ric's death....with many suspects, a classic soap staple.

I'd break up Carly/Jax, (but give her back to Sonny) and redo Jax/Alexis as the real deal. (Ingo would just have to suck it up and play romance with an older woman.)

Sonny/Carly/Alexis/Jax would have to hold war councils every week this summer to figure out what to do about MyKill and Kristina.

Jason kills Jerry and the Claw, but is unfortunately caught and imprisoned for at least a year.

(I need time off from the Stare of Constipation.)

Send Luke to his death, prison, or Paris. It matters not which. Tracy should be romanced (for real) by Victor Cassadine.

L and L 2 would reunite, but with some angst, because a recast Sarah Webber would return to go after him.

I Never Thought I'd say this...

But "Go Ethan." As far as you know right now, Holly Dearest left you on the side of the road and forgot about you for 20 years or so.

I didn't hate Ethan yesterday. Doesn't mean I won't today...

Summer Rumors culled from Soapzone:

MyKill and Kristina are a pair. (Ok,I'm good with that, provided SORASED Kristina is played by as good an actress as Nu Michael is an actor)

Alexis will be humiliated. (The writer of this POC show is such an obvious mysoginist, it's beyond pathetic. And before the Peanut Gallery asks..."Do *you* have any better ideas?* As a matter of fact I do. See next post. Thank you, the management.)

And Now, Back to Our Program...

Botched Hits,
Exploding cars,
Shot Kids,
Machiavellian Plots,

Pathetic Writing for those over 40.

A 'depression' storyline just ending for May Sweeps. [WTF?]
A Con artiste stealing Patrick and Robin's *House* for Chrissake.

The compleat redrawing of Luke as a pathetic drunken @$$ who is freaked out by his own kid. (and would rather have another Con Artist as a spawn. Gods forbid he be proud of his existing son. )

Sonny as a tool of the Wicked Witch of the Zaccara's who couldn't take out a mob enemy if she were led to the site, filled the gun with bullets and *pulled the trigger herself!* Jason as a secret keeper, Jax as a secret keeper. Oliva as a secret keeper.

No humor. No real banter.

What? You'd Rather Not watch that?

Cool. Hit this link and reaffirm why GH used to be the best soap ever.

Let the Holy Choirs begin...

The boy formerly known as Baby Opie, the Q destroying story-bomb, has awakened....

And he's pissed at Carly (Bwahahaha.)

I haven't written about it before today, because until the Young Teen Terror gets a wuv interest, I'm apathetic.

It's good that he and Sonny are bonding, (sue me, I like Sonny's anguished guilt ) but I'd like to see Michael connect with his *first* Q-napping adoptive father, Jason....

And Michael will of course be fond of the queen of hits gone awry, Claudia....which will peeve off Jason and Carly.... I think he'll remember in Nov Sweeps...and then Claud will be marking time.....

Why Guza's Writing Has the Gourmet Delight of A Velveeta and Spam Sandwich

Late thirties/early forties Olivia...cousin of never-really-caught-on-Kate[so, why should we care about Olivia?]....will get busy with twentysomething Junior Mobster John Zaccara by Wednesday. And they don't even *know* each other yet!

When I was a soap mad adolescent it was about a slow pull from hijinks into romance, (Grant + Hepburn anybody? Nik and Nora Charles? ) or the love-hate relationship that you just *knew* was going to end up in the sack.


Or yes, the lonely on-the-rebound thing....but you'd get at least a couple of *weeks* of odd looks across the table or just 'happening' to bump into each other somewhere....

Guza has always seemed to view soaps as a game of Battleship, or Lego's or Play Dough.

Stick together any two people as long as they're shiny enough and then take them apart and immediately stick them to some other game piece.

Even in soaps, that's a fairly mechanical process to apply to a creative medium.

Friday "Cliffhanger" (Spoilers)

Well I never thought I'd have sympathy for the spawn, but there it is...

He's quite lost.

And I never thought I'd feel any sympathy for Luke again either, but here's Holly the loose woman come to play him like a piano, and he will let her. Luke is now not only Puke-tastic, let's add Pathetic to the list of P's shall we?

Alexis line of the day, "I married a cheater, I slept with Sonny....I mean who in their right mind would sleep with Jerry Jax?"

(raises hand!!!!!)

She's now come to lecture Nik about Rebecca the Aunt Who Has No Room to Talk about People It is Profoundly Unwise to pursue an Intimate Liason with.

I agree with her though. Rebecca is Hells Tool of the Moment...Nik realizes it on some level (He wasn't raised to be a complete fool.), but Nik doesn't care. Sigh.

(Come to think of it, neither do I -- but that's neither here nor there, is it?)

Jason trying to pin Claudia like a naturalist with a straight pin and a dead butterfly.

She should be utterly clear now that he knows, and if Saint Jasus wants to live up to his name he should Tell Sonny Now.

But this is Guzawriting and so he won't.

Happy Friday GH watchers...

Just When Did We Jump Into Parallel Time

Or maybe it's another dimension; the Star Trek Mirror Universe, anything...

Was it May 1999 when Jonathan Jackson's Lucky "died" in the fire?

Was it the first Sonny/Carly hatesex in November of 1999?

Was it Mad Labs in 2001?

Was it the Luke/Tracy Marriage?

Or was it just within the last two weeks when Mr. Guza, the writer who began by destroying couples, and has clearly advanced to taking a metaphorical pickaxe to the show itself...

He has Luke admit to cheating on Laura, roughly at the time of Lulu's birth (since Lulu and Ethan are clearly close in age...)

Then he makes it worse by saying that Laura *knew* about the infidelity and was "very understanding. "

Puke

But really, it's just the most painful part of the swamp of uninteresting goo that GH is now.

Showing sex between the least appealing 'filler characters.' (Diane and Max? Ewwww.)

Foisting a parade of disconnected newbies on the viewers....

with the exception of Dillon, who was a Q, every newbie since Sage and Angel make my teeth ache.

The mantra of "All Women Over Forty are portrayed as Pathetic Losers."

Changing an appealing psychopath into Jerry Jacks (?) and *then* dumping him...

The gutting of the Cassadines, the best villainous crew on soaps.

Having so many Extra Women for Sonny that he'd best set up a harem just off the main house.

Let's count shall we?

He had Kate....

But also Olivia is onscreen.

And then there's the Limosex with his ex (Now Jax's wife, like that matters) Carly.

Hotel boink with Claudia that turns into a marriage of convenience.

Good God Sonny. Just call yourself a polygamist and get it over with.

Ditching the nasty, but perversely watchable Anthony Zaccara.

Losing Dillon, Ned, AJ Alan....because you know, the Q's were never heartwarming, wacky or funny....or touching.

Like I said, Collinwood's East Wing....parallel time. Or the Mirror Universe.

It sure as hell an't GH anymore.

Cancellation cannot come soon enough.